ACTIVE PARENTING AND BUILDING A FOUNDATION

Dads, active parenting is not for the faint of heart; it takes a lot of time, patience, taking responsible steps, communication, many mistakes on your end and tons and tons of effort. Being an active parent will build a very solid foundation for your children to take life by the balls. It’s not easy, it’s actually very hard. This responsibility is not something that should be treated like a chore and thrown on the back burner.

BONDING WITH YOUR CHILD

Depending on your kids age, bonding with your kid can mean different things; but for me at my kids age, bonding can be in the form of watching Jurassic Park with my son, playing with him and his dinosaurs, playing with my daughter and her toys, swimming in the pool with them on a hot day, going on trips or even something as simple as coloring with them. Playing or spending time with them lets them know that I as their father am present. They know that I am there for them when they need me. It goes both ways, I need them as much as they need me. I will be the first one to tell you that their will be days where you come home EXHAUSTED from work and playing with your daughters Peppa Pig toys is the last thing you want to do and that is totally ok, I mean, we’re only human. However, it is not their problem that you have to work. They don’t know that you are tired, all they want is your undivided attention and love.

ENCOURAGING YOUR CHILD

My wife and I started reciting positive affirmations and having the kids repeat them to build their self-confidence. No matter what you may think, if you don’t have sufficient self-confidence and believe in yourself, you won’t be able to do anything in life. Living in self consciousness, insecurities and self doubt is debilitating. We always reward them when they do wonderful things by letting them know they did great. Compliment how beautiful and smart they are and let them know that there is nothing they cannot do. “You are beautiful.” “You are kind and smart.” “You are very strong.” “You are very brave.” By having them repeat positive affirmations will train their brain to believe these things and use it later in life.

LISTENING TO YOUR KIDS

Again, this may mean different things at different ages: for a parent with a teenager, actively listening to them and absorbing their concerns and problems is essential. Teenage years are horrifying for any parent, you also have to remember it is the most confusing and chaotic time in your teens life as well. You have to help them navigate through it. One major way to help them is by listening to them and creating a very safe space. This will let them know you care and that they can come to you for anything.

As a father of two toddlers, I listen to them by reassuring them. What do I mean by that? For example, when my kid is throwing a tantrum, I do my best to hold them and let them know they can cry it out and its ok to cry. I let them know that they are in their feelings and its ok to express their frustration. You as their father know better and you know by saying “NO” to certain things is for their benefit, but just be there when they don’t agree. Recently, I heard a story where a toddler told their father “i don’t love you anymore, daddy.” This was all because the toddler did not want to go to bed, but the fathers response was the best response you can give to a toddler, “ it’s ok, I will always love you.” That was brilliant.

REMIND YOURSELF YOU ARE DOING YOUR BEST

To all the hard-working dads busting their asses everyday; remember, being an active parent is not a request to be a “perfect parent.” Remind yourself that there is no such thing as “perfect”. Remember to take care of YOU once in a while, be as involved as you possibly can in your child’s life but remember to not kill yourself in the process. If you’re tired and the kids are supervised by your partner or a trusted party, take a damn nap. Put effort into yourself and get some rest. Take a selfish day and do some self care, whatever that may mean to you. If you don’t take care of yourself, you will be grumpy, short-tempered and burned out. That is always a sure recipe for disaster.