DO YOU HAVE ISSUES? HEY, ME TOO!
If you have been following my blog for a while, you’ve heard me mention many many times how hard parenting is; it’s very true, it is very hard but it can be even harder if you were not ready to become one. There is far more than being financially stable to have a child in todays society. I believe the most important part of becoming a parent is being EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY ready to have one. What do I mean by EMOTIONALLY AND MENTALLY ready? For example, if you have serious anger management issues and get irritated or angry for the tiniest things, what will you do when your baby is crying all night because they have a fever? Or when your toddler uses your living room wall as a blank canvas and colors all over it? Will you yell and scream and traumatize the child forever because they inconvenienced you? If that is the type of person you are, you are NOT ready to be a parent. How about if you suffer from massive anxiety and fear for your child’s well-being every minute of every day? Are NOT going to take them to the park because you fear them coming in contact with germs or physical harm? How about when you have depression and there are days where you cannot even get out of bed, will you be able to tend to your newborn throughout the day?
When I wanted to become a parent, I knew I had a lot of work to do on myself before even trying to be one. I have suffered from massive anxiety for as long as I can possibly remember. Even as a young child, my brain operated very differently than most kids. Maybe it was biological or maybe it was my upbringing, I can’t tell you for sure what the root cause is/was at this point. My anxiety had a lot to do with the “fear of the unknown.” I would constantly think to myself, “what if this happens…” or “what if that happens…” After many years of losing my mind with that type of anxiety, it manifested itself in other different types such as becoming a hypochondriac where I would be in constant fear of my health. GOD FORBID IF I FOUND A LUMP ON MY BODY. Good ol’ WEB MD was there to confirm if I was dying or not. It eventually came to a point where my anxiety would send me spiral where I would get depressed and not be able to get out of bed. It also manifested itself into Obsessive Compulsive Disorder where I constantly had to sanitize and wash my hands and surfaces to rid them of any and all germs.
Once we decided to have kids, I knew I had a lot of work to do on myself. Even after I had Arianna, the loss of my dad sent me down a dark hole. I knew that if I carried on this way and did not seek help or find a resolution, I would project this onto my wife, daughter and future children and they would suffer because of me. I had lived in that state of mind for nearly 30 years and refused to live like that another minute. I knew I had to heal so that I could be the best parent to my kids. In a previous blog entry, I had mentioned that my wife introduced me to a book called “The Secret” which is a lifestyle built around positive thinking, practicing gratitude and manifesting the life you want my speaking words into existence. By combining the teaching of The Secret and talk therapy, I was able to get my intrusive thoughts under control. I knew if I continued to live that way that my family will suffer in the long run. I do not particularly share this much over Social Media but i think it is super important. We are raising the future generation and if we are not OK, they will not be OK.
A mental exercise I do to clear me of any anxiety is I write down what I am grateful for every single morning and I also write down positive affirmations and goals I want to manifest. This helps me clear my mind and set myself a goal for the day and be very appreciative of what I have around me. If I do get any intrusive thoughts, I counter that thought and spin it to a positive one. Doing these exercises has helped me tremendously and I have become a better family man for it.
Bottom line, I had to change my life around. No one was going to do it for me. Living with depression and crippling anxiety is no way to live and no environment to raise a family. Do not be ashamed to seek help if you need it. We all need help in one way or the other and there is NOTHING wrong with that.